The Anti-Antidepressant

If you pay attention to television ads, you know that the drug companies have been hard at work developing medications to ease depression. “Mākuhapē will help you get out of bed every day and get back to your normal, cheerful self. Side effects include headache, dizziness, stomach upset, loss of libido, numbness and tingling in your extremities, disrupted sleep, increased or decreased appetite, and heart palpitations. In rare cases, Mākuhapē may cause your head to become misshapen, liver failure, and death. Consult with your doctor to see if Mākuhapē is right for you.” I don’t know about you, but I’d have to be in pretty bad shape to consider taking any make-you-happy pills. I think the happiness would be short-lived before the side effects kicked in.

Don’t get me wrong—depression and its cousins are very real, and people truly suffer from feelings of despair, worthlessness, and hopelessness. I spent years battling depression. I never took anti-depressants because I have a deep-seated aversion to both doctors and medication. I believe both are extremely over-valued in our society, but that’s a topic for another post, something I might call “Doctors Aren’t Gods.” Instead of turning to pills, I decided I would figure out why darkness so often overtook me, why life lost all meaning periodically, why I was unable to get out of bed some days. It was a long journey.

I began journaling and reading, meditating, and studying nutrition and herbs. Years passed, and although my depression changed, and in some ways eased, it didn’t leave. Too much stress, too much worry, and I would fall down a black hole that felt like it had no escape. After a while, I didn’t want to escape. I wanted to stay in that abyss so I wouldn’t have to fight it any longer.

In reading spiritual and self-help books, I had discovered that our live experiences are all about perception. Our focus is up to us—we can dwell on the dark side, or we can choose to find the good in life. We have far more control over our thoughts and feelings than most of us believe (or exercise); most people take life by default. If we feel a certain way, we just assume we must deal with it. If our personality tilts toward depression, we think that’s simply how it is. The problem, of course, is that this life-by-default thinking is wrong.

Deeply depressed one day, I retreated to my bedroom. The darkest thoughts clouded my mind, and as I laid in my bed, mired in thoughts of sorrow and despair, I had a stunning moment of clarity. I knew that if I did not stop allowing myself to spiral into deep depression, I wasn’t going to make it. Suicide would win one day. Was I falling into that black hole, or was I grabbing a hold of the well rope and sliding down into the darkness? I realized that I was allowing myself to wallow in regret, pity, and sadness, that I was permitting these thoughts to hijack my emotions, that I was obsessively re-playing my worst thoughts over and over again. Maybe I couldn’t completely control my depression, but I could stop myself from sinking to this point. I could stop focusing entirely on the darkness. I decided enough was enough.

Until that point, I’d always felt like spiritual books were an indulgence, a bit of wishful thinking with a cover. I almost felt embarrassed to be seen reading one. They were so relentlessly… cheerful. Upbeat. Positive. Even the more philosophical books espoused inner calm and peacefulness. Many spiritual teachers say that we don’t actually learn new things in the realm of spirit; we just have to remember what we already know. Every book I read and every audio recording I listened to reminded me that I didn’t have to be depressed. No internal coding mandated that I had to be miserable and unhappy; no exterior circumstances required my sadness. I decided to dedicate time every day to reading spiritual/self-help books. No doctor’s visit was required, no prescription was necessary, and I suffered no side effects. At first, I was concerned about the cost of my make-you-happy books, but then I realized that buying books was much less expensive than doctors and antidepressants. So far, my method works.

Did I “cure” my depression, or did I simply stop feeding it?
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Picture courtesy of Patrice Dufour at http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1136463

Unconditional Love

“I love you so much; I don’t care what you think,” Quote by Abraham-Hicks.

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it?

Love is a difficult emotion for me to feel and express easily. At an early age, due to a very difficult childhood, I shut down on the “love” emotion. I did not want to open myself up to hurt and disappointment. I had to be strong and non-emotional. I learned that expressing emotion meant being weak. "Don't let others know how you truly feel. Suck it up and get over it." I was told, “It’s not what you want that is important, it’s what you have to do, and don't forget it.” So, I learned to give others what they wanted first, and put my needs aside. I was strong and I could handle the disappointment more easily than others.

Wrong! What I was really doing, was killing myself slowly…not allowing my spirit to soar and expand.

From constantly searching for answers, I happened across Abraham-Hicks. They have written several books and travel the country sharing the teachings of Abraham through daily seminars. If you are unable to attend one of their seminars, they create DVD’s of the actual seminars that can be purchased on their interactive website, www.abraham-hicks.com.

These DVD’s are packed full of wonderful information. They begin with an opening statement given by Abraham (a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension) through Ester (who channels their information) and then, the audience is allowed to ask questions. Once chosen, the person sits in the “hot seat” (I don’t know why they call it the hot seat, to me, it’s more like the “opportunity seat.”) and they are able to ask their questions.

I purchased the DVD: Joyous Adventure! The Law of Attraction in Action, Episode VIII. I spent one whole day viewing and reviewing the information and taking several notes. When I came to the part about love and unconditional love, I was blown away. All my years of searching for the answer of why it’s so difficult for me to love, was answered in this one statement. “I love you so much; I don’t care what you think."

If you want to know the explanation of the above statement, I recommend you purchase the DVD: Joyous Adventure! The Law of Attraction in Action, Episode VIII and enjoy the ride.

Purpose Doesn't Equal Easy

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” –Zen Proverb

When I started reading spiritual books, I noticed that a lot of people seemed to be looking for their purpose. Whew, I thought to myself. I could cross that one off my list of Things To Accomplish Before I Could Become Good Enough. Good Enough for what, I’m not sure—just better than what I was. Over the years, my list grew with each book I read. But at least when I hit that whole “finding your purpose” chapter that inevitably appeared, I could savor a moment of satisfaction. I could give myself an “A” on that one.

I knew I was a writer. I knew that was my purpose, and that it was the one thing I’d been put here to do. This was always clear to me, from the age of seven. Even my mother believed I was meant to be a writer. She saved my first story about our three dogs getting lost. It was an actual event, and my account is on hotel stationary because it happened while we were out of town. Perhaps this is why I later decided to become a non-fiction writer, with a specialty in travel.

At first, knowing I was a writer made choices easy for me. I took journalism and literature classes; I earned awards and accolades. Then I became old enough to have a personal life to intrude into my dreams, and writing was never again an easy choice. It was my passion and often my only link to sanity. I stopped writing during a terrible first marriage, and at that point I destroyed almost everything I’d previously written. I wanted to be a writer, but I had to get a job, and I followed where Life took me.

I kept writing, of course, off and on. My career exposed to me to all kinds of business writing; my college courses required me to write academic papers; and I kept journals and still submitted things here and there. My purpose in Life was always clear. It was just never clear what I was supposed to do with it. It was like having a key, but not knowing what door it opened.

While my writing helped me excel in an administrative/managerial world, it also left a big void. I wanted more from my writing; I wanted to be a Writer, someone who lived her life doing what she knew she did best. I wanted to see if I could make it, and I walked away from a twenty-year career partly to see if I could do it. Eight years later, I’m still finding my way in a new world.

I did become a Writer. That’s what I tell people I do, and I’ve got the business cards and writing credits to prove it. I help people write, and I lead a writing group. Even though I still have things to improve, I can say I succeeded at earning the title of Writer.

By the time I was ready to check off “become a writer” from my list, I had already realized there was no checklist to complete and turn in for my final “A.” I discovered that although the mindset of the truly successful is different from those who struggle constantly, we all have challenges. We are all human, after all, and having one piece of the puzzle doesn’t ensure an easy path. No one materializes to give you an award for pursuing your dreams, and no paycheck automatically arrives along with doing what you feel you were put on earth to do.

Along the way, I discovered a few things about writing. It’s an activity that wears many hats. For some, it’s a job; for others, a passion; for the truly blessed, both. Writing can offer us some of the best advice we’ll ever receive because it comes from our innermost self, although we may not always see it as such. In what other way can you capture your thoughts? Writing or drawing is usually the easiest way to translate what’s going on in your head to something you can use later.

The power of the written word is why every single self-help/spiritual/self-improvement book you read tells you to write a journal, to catalog your dreams, and to set written goals. Why are people who write out their goals more likely to achieve those goals? You can answer that question with quantum physics or with plain old common sense, but both answers are the same. It’s a place to start, a way to focus our attention. From Thomas Jefferson to John Grisham, all of us who write begin at the same place. We begin with an idea and a desire to capture it. From that point forward, our thoughts may become many things. Before that, it’s all a vague collection of ephemera rolling around in our brain.

Here’s a challenge: The next time a book tells you to pick up a pen and paper to write down a goal or an idea, do it. Take some time to translate your thoughts into words. Pay attention to what you create, to what you are drawn to express on paper. Don’t tell me you’re not a “writer.” Take a piece of advice from someone who has been a writer her whole life. Help your thoughts make their first step from the intangible to something more solid by writing them down, and what happens will surprise you.
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Picture courtesy of piovasco at http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1178761

Purple Butterflies

In the spring of last year, I noticed that the books coming into my life were frequently about death, books like No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh and Home With God by Neale Donald Walsh. I thought, “I wonder who’s going to die?” I didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

I must back up and tell you that I subscribe to the Theory of Random Books. My theory goes like this: Books find their way to me for a reason. I might have a book for years and not read it, but when I finally crack the cover, it usually speaks directly to something in my life. I do my best to buy books randomly. I also get them from friends or read them at the library, and I love it when I’m a book club member because I sometimes forget to respond to the selection of the month. When those books arrive, it’s a total surprise. I got a book on coincidences that way (The Three “Only” Things by Robert Moss).

At any rate, in the spring of last year I could feel something coming. It was like the smell of the desert before the rain comes; bold and strong, announcing the arrival of something rare… and big. I kept my receipt for an audio copy of Eckhart Tolle’s The New Earth because the purchase coincided with the arrival of my mother’s final days. When I walked through the door to her apartment that afternoon, I knew the rain had arrived in a monsoon.

Going out of this world is like coming into it: messy, painful, and experienced in varying degrees of difficulty. I knew only one thing for certain. I knew my mother would go on, just not in a form that I could hug. I’ve felt her with me on many occasions, but when I see purple butterflies, I know she’s here.

Not long before my mother passed on, there was a conversation about purple butterflies in her hospice room. My mother was unable to talk or communicate with us at that point, but I knew she could hear us. Moments after she passed away, I encountered my first purple butterfly.

A whole mess of butterflies, actually, in wall hangings and prints on the walls of the hospice’s hallways that I had not noticed before. A huge bronze butterfly sat outside in a courtyard, which I had not seen at all. Purple butterflies started turning up with increasing regularity from that point forward. Now every time I see one, I think, Hi there, Mom.

Recently, I had a chance to visit with an old friend who lost her young daughter in a tragic accident about five years ago. She believes, as I do, that those we love stay with us in many ways after they die. Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “If someone you love has died, now you know the name of one of your guardian angels”? I shared my purple butterfly story with her, and my friend was flabbergasted. She was wearing the purple butterfly necklace that her little girl had given her; she told me her daughter had a special love for them.

I took it as another hello from beyond, only doubled this time.
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Picture courtesy of Fercozzz at http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1126125

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer: A Prolific Teacher

Twenty years ago, a friend of mine gave me a copy of You’ll See It When You Believe It by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. I was totally offended. At that time in my life, I took the gift as an indication that I was wrong in some way. And all that wacky stuff about creating your own reality… well, you can imagine. I’m not even sure if I read the entire book.

Now I think my friend’s gift was a bit of foreshadowing, maybe even a message from the Universe. Recently, I’ve been re-reading Dr. Dyer’s Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao. Several years after I spurned the idea that negative thoughts can negatively affect us, I finally started understanding the truth behind the saying, “perception is reality.” I’ve read a few of Dr. Dyer’s books, including Inspiration and The Power of Intention. He is a prolific teacher and author, and his message is accessible and insightful. He’s a great speaker, and his shows frequently appear on PBS during pledge drive week. Dr. Dyer appears to sincerely value and enjoy helping others. In his epilogue to Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life, he says, “As you close this book, it is my wish that you, too, will be able to apply this great wisdom of the Tao so that you can, even in the most difficult of times, change your thoughts and enjoy changing your life as well.” I thought this was a wonderful encapsulation of his overall approach; whenever I read his work, I always feel that he writes and speaks from a deep commitment to help people everywhere.

Now, I see my friend’s gift as a true gift, instead of as an insult, or a bit of unsolicited advice about how wrong I was. Ironically enough, now I know it’s just a matter of perspective.

Are You Enough?

I’ve been journaling since I was nine years old. When I was younger, I wondered what the heck I was going to do with the diaries and journals I was accumulating, but I kept them anyway—and I kept writing. The first time I sat down and started re-reading old journals, I was shocked. The patterns that emerged from those entries (mostly lots of festering anger, at that point) gave me important information about how my logic was working (and not working). After that experience, I made it a point to periodically review big chunks of my journals. That’s how I discovered a disturbing trend: I was never good enough, or smart enough, or disciplined enough. I was never enough of anything, and when I couldn’t think of a specific area in which I was lacking, I was just not enough, whatever that meant. I wasn’t even sure myself.

A couple of years ago, when I was making this discovery, I noticed a book because its title spoke to my ill-defined problem: You Are More Than Enough by Judi Moreo, which also has an attractive companion journal. Apparently, I wasn’t the only person battling this “enough” issue. I like a self-help/inspirational book to give me something practical and immediately useful, and Moreo’s book gives readers both. The book is slightly slanted to women, although anyone can benefit from her advice. She covers everything from correcting a negative attitude to the importance of personal appearance (she cites a lack of concern for personal appearance as one of the symptoms of poverty mentality). Moreo calls upon her extensive background as a personal coach to help readers overcome self-imposed limitations, uncover goals, and pursue their dreams. “If you had all the money you would need, all the time it would take, and you knew you absolutely couldn’t fail, what would you do? Who would you do it with? Where would you go? What would you have? What would you want to be? In other words, what goals would you set for yourself, if you knew you couldn’t fail?” She encourages readers to develop an image of what they want their lives to look like, and to keep that picture in their minds.

Moreo advocates keeping a journal, which is why she designed one to complement her book. I loved the little star stickers that came with the journal she created. The inviting design encourages you to grab a pen and start writing. Remember, writing down your goals dramatically increases your chances of achieving what you desire. Write about what you want your life to look like, and you’ve taken the first step toward that life. Of course, journaling has many benefits, like helping you identify self-sabotaging, “not enough” mindsets.

What about you? Are you enough? I agree with Moreo—we’re all enough. Sometimes we just need help to see it.

Harmony Versus Balance

If you’ve seen The Secret, you might remember James Arthur Ray. He's the one who re-tells the story of Aladdin’s Lamp. Later in the film, he alludes to his principles of a harmonic life when he discusses people who are successful in some areas, but who are faring miserably in others, such as those with financial success whose personal lives “…stink. That’s a technical term, by the way.” Wealth, as we all know, isn’t just about money. In his new book, Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want, he describes some of the theories beyond the Law of Attraction, like the Law of Polarity and the Law of Gestation, and he explains his theory of Harmonic Wealth®, which he developed after a lifetime devoted to studying science, religions, and spirituality, among a host of other things.

Ray describes the idea of balance as “bogus,” arguing that true balance isn't desirable because equilibrium across the board indicates stasis, not happiness or success. He describes his Five Pillars of Wealth: Financial, Relational, Mental, Physical, and Spiritual. “Without these five pillars, you might be rich, but you’ll never be wealthy,” he says, and he makes a good case for his theory. He encourages us to develop focus, open our eyes to our shortcomings, and to accept that sometimes we have to devote time to one area at the expense of another--temporarily. It's sound advice. Who can devote an equal amount of time or attention to each area of her life at all times? Huge numbers of people exhaust themselves trying. Ray’s theory calls for a more flexible, adaptable approach in a successful life. This is why he prefers the idea of harmony over balance; all the parts of our life must act together in concert, but in varying degrees at different times.

Ray cautions readers that while our attention may fluctuate between the pillars, they all need attention sooner or later. Letting one pillar collapse will bring the whole house down eventually. If one pillar is crumbling, how can you focus on the others? He points out, in several examples, how blindness to our weak spots and bad habits prevent us from moving forward in all areas. For instance, he challenges people to watch less television and use their time more constructively, pointing out that most people could invest that time into improving themselves or pursuing their dreams.

This is only a snippet of Ray’s overall theory. He discusses each pillar in depth, and he unifies his ideas with a practical spirituality that he has thoroughly explored. He’s not shy about revealing the personal experiences that shaped his life and ideas. I like Ray’s style. He comes across with an intelligent and friendly voice, but without any sugar coating. If you appreciate a direct, no-nonsense approach, you’ll like this book. His research into physics and other complex topics is impressive, as are his travels around the world to study the belief systems of every type of culture.

Naturally, as readers assume from the title, Ray addresses the financial pillar early in the book, but anyone who picks up Harmonic Wealth looking for a way to make quick money without any effort will be disappointed. Personal transformation is anything but effortless, and nothing short of transformation is what Ray advocates. Don’t wish for an easier life, he tells readers more than once. Wish to be a better person, one who can rise above the day-to-day dramas we inflict upon ourselves. Wise advice, indeed.